Greek Phil is a fucking junky, the cunt.

Well, with the summer holidays nearly over, it's time to pound interesting topic matters into your brains again with THE HIGHEST QUALITY NEWS SERVICE ON THE INTERNET.

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In another world exclusive, The House of Bacon can reveal shocking information about the prince Phil the Greek, the Queen's old man. Seems he's been spending all our money on Afghanistan's finest heroin, perfectly in keeping with traditional royal protocol. In our world exclusive spy photo (seen above) Greek Phil can be seen cowering in Pete Docherty's basement waiting for his next filthy scrap, for with to fill his stinking withered veins.

We can only suppose that filthy phil, the greek, has spent all the spending money her ma'am has graciously lined his pockets with and now has to actually steal from Liz's handbag and burglering from old folk. It's only matter of time until he's selling himself to lonely sailors down the docks. A pitiful sight - the prince phil the greek, scrawny, skeletal. His smudged lipstick smeared all over his potholed face, his pockets full of scrumpled tinfoil and cigarette ends found in the gutter, his tights ripped and crawling with lice and maggots saturated by the hellish excretions of three thousand filthy visitors that oozes continually from his battered and torn anus. Another zombified victim of Blair's Britain.

We imagine that Phil got into drugs by being exposed to disgraceful films such as "Trainspotting" and "Pulp Fiction". When will we ever see such films BANNED from our screens, or at least heavily censored? How many more children or reigning monarch's husbands must fall to this most heinous of poisons before something is done?

Phil, who now talks with an Edinburgh accent, is of course Greek. Yes, he's a greek man. Not german, like his reigning monarch wife, no, he's greek. Now, his son "The Prince of Wales", unbelievably is actually NOT Welsh at all, no - he's half german, half greek. What a fucking bunch of cunts. To be honest, what the fuck is going on? I'm no raceist but fucking send the royal family back to where they came from. There's plenty of Greeks in germany, why dont they fuck off to germany and take their smack with them? Eh?




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SUMMER NEWS UPDATE.
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It's been a rather disappointing summer, news-wise, it would seem. Lets have a quick look at what else has occured, then:

>>> The timely death of wildlife botherer Steve 'just leave the fuckers alone you cunt' Irwings, by crikey. <<<

Strooth mate! Jesus, imagine the obvious scene:

"Crikey viewers! look at this beauty! The deadly stingray! Now these guys use a huge barbed spikey bit on their tail to inflict brutal damage on any attacker, but only really get grumpy if you..WHACK! (choke, convulse, )."

The best thing about the whole Irwings incident was the full page spread in the UK "newspaper" 'The Sun' with the epic headline "Australia's Diana". No shit, thats what it said. Funny as fuck - almost as humorous as his actual death weirdly enough. For once, well done the sun for taking a humorous death and turning it into an hilarious one, by crikey.

However, this was not really a surprise - his death was in the post basically. News rating 4/10.



>>>The timely crash of lepricorn, shit talking, dirty, stinking whore of shit Rdickhard ' shight ' Halmmonds in a 300mph rocket powered obvious-death missile. <<<

Now, this would have been an absolute scorcher - right up there with Rod Hull's slip and subsequent fall off his roof - but the little shight talker, Halmonnds, didnt die. Apparently, not even a bit spazzy, Richdickshitard escaped the icey hand of death simply by playing the cunt.

As ever, we at The House Of Bacon try to maintain a healthy optimistic outlook and as such, believe that he could still suddenly conk out at any minute.

Nice one, potential news rating (conditional of halmonnds death) 9.99/10.
Actual news rating (not even a spazzy) 3.1/10


What do you reckon?

Have your fucking say, at The House Of Bacon.