Musical shit and ladies man Sir Elton John (seen in the photo above) has announced plans for his new project - A full-scale invasion of the Falkland Islands.
In a press release today, Sir Elton outlines his plans:
" I'm , like, totally sick of those stinking gypsy inhabitants of the fucking Falklands. They're always moaning on, if it's not the weather then its fucking Argentina. They just wont shut up. Whats worse is that they don't buy enough of my back catalogue of groovy London songs and ditties. It's a FACKING outrage and something must be done. Myself and my friend, Dave Furnish, are to set up a taskforce and we're leaving on my private war ship at 0600 hours tomorrow. We should be there by Saturday, and you know what saturdays are fucking good for don't you? Yes, fighting, as told in my heroic song for the street "saturday nights are good for fighting". Who do these people think they are anyway? They're Argentinian swine, thats what! Fucking corned beef. And they're all gay. And they all killed the candle in the wind Lady Di. "
Sir Elton has been seen, down the docks, approaching sailors for some time and is believed to be threatening them to "come to the falklands or i'll suck you into next year". His 'friend' David Farnish has been seen loading weapons of mass destruction into Sir Elton's private warship, his arsenal is thought to include 15 bugger bombs, 4 GPS guided Danny Le Roo's and a bunker busting George Michaels.
A Department of Defense spokesman had this to say:
" Yeah, he's off again on another rampage, he started the Vietnam war you know? Yeah, Sir Elton constantly maintained that 'charlie' wasn't buying enough of his albums, it was Sir Elton that invented tha immortal phrase "Fucking dink gooks better buy the new album or it's agent orange for their children, i can tell you". We will be monitoring the situation from whitehall and have warned all our sailors to stay away from down the docks."
It is thought that, globally, Sir Elton has many more plans for invasion. It is becoming more of a worry now as his CD's tend to do least well in Muslim countries. Iran, for example, only imports 3 Sir Elton CD's a year - Syria, only 1 - and that was his duet with Kikki Dee "Dont go breaking my hearts" so he doesnt even see all the royalties for that.
Has Sir Elton got your backing?
HAVE YOUR SAY!
7 comments:
HUZZAH! It's about time we invaded the Falklands again, Sir Elton and David Furnishes have my FULL backing. Filthy corned beef gypsy mother fuckers. And the Falklanders are cunts too.
I agree with sir elephant on this one, its about time we put those perishing falkland islands in their place. let the fucking argies invade would you? bunch of penguin eating surrender monkeys! of course if elephant does invade the falklands the great british army will have to bomb him into next fucking year. they are our islands you up-hill gardening little cunt!
I think Sir Elton is REALLY setting the standard for recording artists worldwide. If more artists were more proactive when dealing with nations that refuse to buy their material then maybe, just maybe, the fantastic TOP O' THE POPS would still be on our fucking televisions.
Where would the British empire be, now-a-days, without fucking Top O' The Pops? No fucking where, thats where. Living in fucking shightland getting beaten by germans. fuckers.
Hey! If invading the Falklands and butchering it's entire population will bring back the superb Top O' The Pops, then Sir Elton certainly has my vote, fucking speccy gnomosexual.
It'd fucking teach them cunts for letting the Argies invade.
lets not forget the dirty huns in all this who all fucked of to Argi-tina after the last big push, i say bomb the nazis first just in case....
well thats a very good point indeed, we must NEVER forget the HUN, in all this. It's about time we met up with fritz once more, in france, just to show HIM that we have not forgotten. No fritz, we have not. fucking dick.
yes lets have another war with the bosh. bout time we came to blows over david fucking hassleoff! and for just being a fucking hun of course!
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