Tragic, yet amusing, news has reached us concerning an alleged assault , of a ghostly nature which occurred last Saturday night.
Apparently, TV shits Ant and Dec were duped by the 19th century writer whilst on a night “oot on tha toon” in Newcastle. Quick thinking Oscar had left TWO ten bob notes on the ground ,by the dog shit bin in the park, in the hope that the “funny” duo would pass by. Then, as the cheeky twosome bent down to quickly grab at the money - WHACK! BANG! Wilde had been up them both like a 22 stone ferret , in a blinking of a phantom eye. He then disappeared, leaving nothing but the smell of sweat and amyl nitrate.
Ant and Dec are understandably upset and have decided to take the day off “ te alloo us toooz both man, for te get over the shock ovit a’ . man, woman, man.”
Upon hearing the news, we immediately got in touch with Derek Akhora, ex ghost whisperer from the hugely popular TV show MURDER MOST HAUNTED and asked him if the apparition of Wilde was likely to attack again, having now acquired the taste of live bum. “Probably” answered Mr Akoora, he then went on to say “ I could, possibly, try and take on the personality of Mr Wi…”. At which point we walked off - leaving the senile, deranged old cunt spewing out the usual beyond-the-fucking-grave type insane ramblings he has become very well known to do.
Derek Achoorha - leave the ghost talking to those, in our nation, that do possess magical powers. - for example, Paul Daniels, Ally Bongo and the late Sir Tommy Cooper. For these people and these people only are the truly powerful ones.
10 comments:
Yes, indeed. Daniels, Bongo and Cooper ARE the only truly "touched by god" gifted ones among us. True immortality awaits them all - apart from Cooper of course, and possibly Bongo - is he dead yet?
phew....I've often seen the odd tanner lying beside poop bins down the park and never botherd to pick them up incase it's some sort of elaborate police sting operation or a trap by cottagers....who would have thought that said buttbandit was the ghost of an irish cock-jockey......
that akhora is a fucking arse bandit aswell. he's fucking covering up his filthy little secret by blaming all his bum banditry on fucking ghosts. everone knows that 90% of micks are gay. and before anyone says "akhora isn't irish. he's a scouse" fuck them because there all mick's anyhoo. fuck wogan and that cunt of the yellow pages adverts. you know the bald fucker that never seems to be of the telly.
of course Akhoora is a bummer he has an earring, and we all know jewlery is for girls or bummers. also ant and dec are clearly a pair of bandits so surely would have enjoyed the whole experience. or were they just upset they didn't get to return the favour?
I think you'll find that the topic of ghosts has been discussed thoroughly in my brilliant TV series "The Unexplained"
I ALWAYS pick up ten bob notes I find near dogshit bins, in the park, here in Sri Lanka BUT no one ever bums me, for fuck's sake. Now, someone fucking EXPLAIN that!
Thats cus we all know it's you that leaves small kiddies toys around poop bins for the unwary boy child....you're not fooling anyone Clark.....
I think that yank fucker blaines is in on the bum play. Most of that yanks are. They fuckin invented it. He's a tricky fucker. I seen him mincing around by the bins down at glebe park. Fuckin yanks love the fuckin micks aswell. It all adds up. wilde, akhora, and blaines. gay bastards
yep that cunt copperfields is also clearly batting for the other side, oh and those twats with the fucking tigers cecil and roy or whatever their fucking names are.
I dont, personally, rate Daniels at all. Cooper and Bongo, on the other hand, were fucking nuts. You could always guarantee that amazement was abound when them two stepped up.
"Juss like that" etc
can't remember Bongo's catch-phrase.
Can you believe that the BBC wesite is hosting a page dedicated to the cult of crappy shit-for-brains programme Jonathon Creek. fuck's sake.
anyway there's a Bongo interview there if anyone is keen.
Check out:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/jonathancreek/interviews/bongo/
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